Blood on your hands, hero
by bookworm299
Summary: They all have ghosts. Blood on their hands. They're anything but heroes. (One-shots, I take requests. Could turn it into a full story. All connected but order doesn't matter.)
1. Not a hero

**Disclaimer: Don't own Anything!**

Anthony Stark was 4 the first time he heard about Captain America. Steve Rogers. His father's best friend. A superhero, the first superhero. Aunt Peggy loved him. It was enough to start a bit of hero-worship.

Tony was six when Anthony became Tony. When he stopped having to sneak into Howard's lab to invent things. When he started becoming someone to use instead of a son.

It wasn't until he was 12 that he really learned CAptain America's story. How he saved the world and died trying. How Howard never stopped looking. He wasn't the golden son. Captain America was. Tony would never be a hero, in any sense, because he would never be good enough. So he let Obie use him for weapons. Obie was meant to be the heir the Stark industries anyway. Tony would be the means to the end. If no one else cared why should he.

He's 17 when he and Howard have a fight about it. Jarvis (the original) had visited, brought by a box of things to personalize his MIT dorm a little bit more. HIs old Captain America action figure was in there. And he wanted to smash it to bits, but he couldn't. Captain America didn't even seem real. Like a made up figure to blame everything on. A ghost who's shadow Tony would learn to live in. IT's all he ever did. Then Jarvis and Howard and Maria die. And everything starts trying to make him measure up. As kind as Maria. As smart as Howard. As buisness minded as Obie. And everyone forgets Jarvis and he wants to scream because it's not fair. BUt he can't do anything about it. Because Stark's have iron in their back bones. He can't.

So instead of trying to show them who he is, he shows them what they want to see. They want a spoiled rich kid. Fine. It's a game, and he's been winning since he was 4. But he can't escape the shadows. The ghosts. So he smiles and plays around. Ignores the company, it's not his anyway. So he's 21 until he even trys again. And somehow, they start to see he's smarter then his father. And he'll always be Howard's son but somehow they start to see Tony and not the mini-Stark when they look at him. Things get better. He maybe he just gets to used to it to care...

Then Ahganistan, and Yinsin, and Iron man happen and he starts to think that maybe he's not as over it as he thought. Because he's got everything you could want, but he doesn't have a thing. NO family. Maybe three friends who barely know him. And really, he doesn't even know himself. So he starts trying to be Anthony Stark, the kid who adored the world and built things in secret not for praise but to help people. Who tried to fix things instead of being what they wanted to see. But Tony Stark the genius playboy is so rooted in their minds he has to wear a mask to let them see through it. Get his heart turned to metal to prove he has one. And the ghosts came back full force. With another added to the list, one he won't tell a soul about. Yinsen. A good man who died to save him. And Jarvis too, who raised him, taught him about people and heart and right v. wrong. Howard, who never cared. Who always had to be better. And Captain America, the ghost he never met, and could never live up too. Iron man was no hero. Because Tony Stark can't ever say those words. The moment he claims to be hero, they'll eat him up alive, and the ghosts will come like sharks to blood. He's not a hero. He's just fixing his own screw ups.

He trys. He really really trys. He goes to meetings. He sleeps 6 hours a night, and eats at least two meals a day. But Obie ripped his heart out, literally. Another ghost on the tally. Daring him to say he's a hero for defeating a villain. But he won't. He throws himself into his work. His heart's killing him. Both his hearts are. He's not sure which pain is worse. He makes Pepper CEO. Let's Rhodey take the suit. Let's Happy win bets and boxing. So easy to make them happy. He's going to die. He doesn't care. He should be dead 50 times over anyways. Then Fury and SHIELD come and he thought he was done with this 10 years ago when his father died. And, he's going to live. A ghost showing him up from the grave. And Hammer's the villian this time. Or helping the villian anyway. GUess that makes him the...no he won't say it.

He does right by Pepper. He doesn't destroy SHIELD. He doesn't kill Natashalie. He doing all right. Fixing his mistakes. Then Coulson And Fury and SHIELD come knocking again. Saying he's not the only (hero) one like him. That Thor and Loki, norse gods, are real and on earth. That Banner, the Hulk, is one of the good guys (like he didn't know that). That Captain freaking America was found and defrozen and alive. He tries to hate him. He can't. But his living ghost is going to haunt him. He gets dragged into the time-bomb freak show and it's a miricel they don't kill each other. He's got more blood on his hands then Legolas and Spidey together and they call him the civilian. The untrained one. The merely human one. Funny. He knows all their stories and weak points. Smarter then all of them combined. Trained by Peggy Carter, and Howard, and SHIELD. He sticks to the science.

He won't fight ghosts. Because CAptain America just dragged them all up again. Calling him Howard. Saying he's not a hero (he knew it, but it still hurts). A man lost in time. Begging to see something, someone he knows. Bucky, Peggy, Howard. Tony's too alike but too different. And it's ironic, Howard spent forever trying to find Capsicle in Tony. Capsicle's going to spend forever looking for Howard in Tony. Never good enough. Not a hero. Never gonna say it. All these ghosts are waiting for him to break.

Coulson dies and it's another ghost trying to rip his heart out. HIs friend. His agent. Loki will pay. And he's freaking out. He knows it. Stupid choice. Stupid people. and he knows it's not just coulson he's talking about. It's Yinsin, and Jarvis, and Coulson all at once. People stupid enough to care about Tony Stark and get hurt because of it. Everyone always ends up breaking your heart. And they wonder why he's not a people person... And Rogers calls him a soldier and he's not. Because a soldier means blind faith in the system and he hates that. It's what let all these ghosts live in the shadows. Lurking til they can tear him to shreds.

Then the war really starts and their fighting. Aliens. And this, this isn't science. This isn't real. Because aliens are streaming through the black hole in the sky and a god is on their team helping them fight another. This is, magic and science-fiction and everything Tony can't understand. His feet are pulled out from under him and the ghosts are waiting in the shadows to bring him crashing. Admit he's a hero but can't win this war. He's not a hero. Bt he will win. He threatens Loki without the suit. Trusts Rogers to get him out of the engine when he was fixing it. He works with them and listens to orders. Helps them save the world. Speaks english for them and knows Banner is going to show up. He'll learn this new reality. He pretends. No one understands how Tony Stark could go from whiny billionare, human, civilain to soldier. Hero. (not, he's not, not, not) But it's a war so they don't question it. And the system sends a freaking nuclear missile at them. And Tony doesn't think. He grabs it and flys it through the portal. Time to save the world. But he's not a hero because it's selfish. He knows he won't come back. He shouldn't even be alive. He'll be damned if he let's someone else become a ghost. And, he's in space. He Blows up the aliens and falls. With Pepper's face on the screen, JARVIS' voice in his ears and a sorry on his lips.

The gets caught by the Hulk. And they win. They get shwarma and become...not friends exactly. But, not strangers. The Avengers. Earth's mightiest heroes. (execpt for him, because he's not a hero) But the ghosts seem a little less restless. He's not a hero. BUt maybe one day he will be.


	2. (Not quite) mirror image

**Disclaimer: Don"t own!**

The first time Steve Rogers saw Tony Stark, he saw a carbon copy of Howard. Jet black hair, chocolate brown eyes. High cheekbones, and a sharp jaw. Finger that never seemed to stop moving and a razor sharp tongue. It hurt. Reopening a wound that hadn't fully healed. The two pictures overlapped. One second Tony in a shiny new New York city. One second Howard in good old Brooklyn. Some picture, 70 years apart. He looks away.

The next time he sees Tony he has to bite his tongue to keep from calling him Howard. He's starting to see a few differences. Slightly more olive tone to the skin, that's from Maria. Long eyelashes and scarred lips from a habit of biting. His mother again. He starts to see Tony and Howard aren't carbon copy mirror images. He's not quite sure if it hurts more or less that way...

The next time is the first time he really meets Tony. He's loud, rude, arrogant, and can't listen. He's all that was wrong with Howard amped 10 times worse. By the times or personality he's not sure. He's inappropreiate, and annoying. Smug and sarcastic. But he's got that guarded look in his eye that makes Steve think this, at least in part, might be some sort of mask. But he's also got this gleam. Like he's truly excited and what's to help. When they speak of the past, or even Steve himself, weapons. Tony seems pained, though hides it well, like he's remembering something horrible, that if he dwells on for even a second he'll end up having to tell. As if keeping it a secret keeps it from being real. Then the look with vanish and Steve wonders if he even really saw it.

He hears the comments. That Howard spoke of him. He thinks that may be why Tony resents him. He knows Howard changed after the war. He's not sure how much... The war to end all wars, ya right. Their in the middle of one right now. The one thing that hasn't changed is war it seems. Blood and scars. That may be the only thing he wishes would have changed...

He says things he regrets. But this time has got him in over his head. Their nothing but broken people with to many scars and too much blood on their hands trying to play superhero. But that may be the truest things Stark's said to him. Stark's have iron in their backbones. He remembers as much. He thinks Tony might be more broken then he lets on. And then Tony forgets it all in an instant, takes it in a stride. Entrusts Steve to have his back when he's fixing the engine. Shows emotion when Coulson dies. And Steve learns something else. He really hates being called a soldier. He hates following orders, which Steve knows. But it's more. IT's a need to do everything his self, as if only he can make the call to make everything right, like it's his fault. For all his show, it's just that. A show. He's starting to see a little more of the good in Tony. But it's still pains him because the more intelligence and refusal to go down without a fight he sees the more he thinks of Howard. He sees Peggy's influence growing up. Refusing to be thought less of because he has no powers or training. Determined to win, even if it means defying all logic. And he sees Bucky too, all charm and smiles and twisted words to make anything all right for your side while you try to trip the bad guy up all by your self. The more he trys to find Tony he finds anything he lost. For his metal heart, Tony has a bigger one then most people in this time.

Then, it's a war. Aliens are coming in through a black hole in the sky. A god is fighting with them. His adopted brother the one who started this. Two assassins. And Stark (he doesn't trust himself to say Tony and not Howard) in his flying suit. And then Banner comes, just like Tony thought. And then, it's almost over. They can close the portal. Then the military, the good guys, send a nuclear missile at a civilian city. And he sees why Stark's lost all faith in the system, but it's all Steve's ever known. And Tony grabs the missile. Flys through the portal. Makes the the sacrific play. And still comes back. He's finally starting to see Tony under all the Howard/Maria/Peggy/Bucky. When asked why, Stark said one word. Which is a first but not so suprising considering they just fought an alien war. Yinsen. Steve's not sure but he thinks this Yinsen might be for Tony the same Erskine was for him...

He still doesn't know Tony so well. But, he knows him a bit better then Tony thinks. He already lost one time, he's not going to give up another.


End file.
